Dropped. By a Guy With Fenders.

posted Apr 22, 2012, 10:27 AM by Jay Sully   [ updated Dec 31, 2012, 8:57 AM ]
Granted the bike was made of titanium but damn, there were still fenders on that bike. 

It began innocently enough - like all the rides do - at a quaint little coffee shop in Stillwater. Great coffee, warm gloves for sale for those who may not have brought along their warm gloves that had been previously paid for, and pastries. Mmm.... good stuff. No nervousness to speak of. Even some smiles despite the chilly temps and impending doom. 

There was not even hint nor a sniff in the air of the carnage that awaited us when the guy with fenders wound it up. Of course there were some of those young guys who, when they get on the front for a pull, like to click it up 1 or 2 or what feels like 15 miles per hour. But then again, what are the odds they'd end up on the front of a group of 20? 

Yeah, you're right, very high odds. Astronomical in fact. And early in the ride too - they wouldn't even wait until I'd been dropped by the guy with fenders before coming to the front and destroying me, my morale, my legs, my, well, never mind that part. 

Young guys.
New Gloves (with super cool red stripes!) 
Fenders.
Bone Lake. 
Winds gale forcing from the SSE at 400kPH. 

Yeah, this was set up to be a GREAT RIDE! Why shouldn't we start by riding WITH the damn tail wind? And why not ride north with the damn tail wind and 2 young guys who, against all odds (stole that phraseology 'against all odds', it was a movie) do make it to the front and crank the pace up from a 'I can hold onto this for at least another 10 minutes if the grade stays negative and the wind on my back' to a faster 'Oh boy! Please, anyone, deliver us a stop sign with a high volume of cross traffic NOW! so I can breathe again' pace. Just wonderful. Great. perfect. 

Oh yeah. Pain. Suffering. Just your usual list of great stuff - and don't forget those new gloves, that have an amazing not 1 but 2 red stripes that match AMAZINGLY well an Argon 18, with all creaks removed, named after one of the heaviest gasses known to man (no, I'm not talking about THAT type of gas.) As for the Argon, apparently the French-Canadians don't study Chemistry - or if they did they forgot all about the periodic table and the nobel gases. (I'm not even sure what a nobel gas it but I'm going with it). 

What was this (story) about? Oh, (he exclaimed!), yeah, dropped by a guy with fenders, and i'm not talking about the guitar (you know, Fender Guitars? Yes, that was a stretch but I went for it anyway). That would be much more embarrassing: dropped by a guy/gal playing the bass guitar on a group ride. Wow, I'll probably have a nightmare about that now. Great. 

Fenders? Really? You know what those do for aerodynamics? Not nearly as much as my beer gut.  

And it was windy - did I mention that? 

But I got dropped.. along with a bike mechanic and another guy who didn't really 'get dropped' but I think just about lost his will to live so rode along with the bike mechanic and software dude so he could say he had critical mass to win a few Stop Aheads as he'd gotten crushed in a few earlier attempts. So bad in fact it almost appeared he didn't even try for them! 

This is how desperate this guy was for a Stop Ahead sweep - he drops us. He drops the Nerd and Mechanic after taking a sprint (probably because I was worried about his psyche and let him have it, or something like that). But that's not the part that brings up the desperation. 

Complete.
Total
Desperation.

The desperate part is after having ridden away from the nerd and mechanic (likely, you could reverse those descriptions (nerd & mechanic) and besides the nerd not being able to fix ANYTHING the adjectives fit the other as well as not the other) he hides. 

Pulls off a side road. 

Gets out of sight. 

Lies in wait for the the N&M (nerd and mechanic) to ride past. And he jumps back on... Just long enough to take yet 1 more stop ahead. Really? Is that not just desperate? I won't even tell the amazing story of how the battle for that S.A. went down. Perhaps another day now that I've just about ruined your psyche with this missive. 

Oh - and I won't even go into the move the mechanic made at the edge of town to stomp the nerd at that last Stop Ahead. That one hurt most of all. The nerd led out the mechanic in the mechanic's effort to beat the nerd at the Stop Ahead and the nerd did not even get he was doing a lead out until, alas, it was too late. Gold Shoes: 1. Nerd (aka Sully) Zero. 

But really - a guy with fenders? 

Well, this nerd will just try it again next week. And if you show up with fenders I'm going to tear them from your frame so this time when you drop me I can at least talk about the custom titanium race machine that I battled neck and neck with, well, at least for 2 or 3 miles, before finally being put in my place. 

I should talk about that place some time - just so all you fasties understand the view from off the back. 

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