Green Jersey Rules

posted Aug 21, 2012, 6:13 AM by Jay Sully   [ updated Dec 31, 2012, 8:58 AM ]

Green Jersey Rules



(If you wish to skip the informative FAQ you may scroll right down to the rules. Think of this short cut as being a quick route to the Green Jersey for Dummies, not that you're dumb.)


It was (not so1) recently decreed by the newly formed Green Jersey Committee that the Bikery Chilkoot Velo Saturday 9am ride will here forth and forever, at least while the Green Jersey Committee doth exist, award a Green Jersey at seasons end and points post ride that shall be added together (the points, not the jerseys), in the way other numbers are added together, to award a Green Jersey Champion and all the bravado and braggery that goes with the awarding of the Green Jersey. The potential for a prize is low, but you can never rule it out. It (a prize) has, in fact and fiction, been previously awarded and included not just the rights to full braggery but also a 16oz (at least) mug like device and ‘lovely’ green jacket2. The 'mug like device' was also a lovely shade of green.


FAQ


A Green Jersey Committee?

- 1 word: Yes! Sort of. Several undisclosed individuals have been receiving messages channeled from various 'spirits'. The membership of the Green Jersey Committee is a closely held secret. John Sutcliffe & Ted Higman should be thought of as an auspice or an oracle (not an orifice) of the Green Jersey Committee 'Spirits'. They (Sully3 & Higman), typically over spirits, interpret the will of the Green Jersey Committee and disseminate information to the masses (you).


From where did the Green Jersey Committee emerge?

- A Friday evening at the Bikery in the late winter of 2010, or maybe 2011. Building a bike, an Argon 18 Gallium of about 62cm to be specific. And drinking beer (spirits). A fine Lift Bridge Ale that was later to be discovered to have an 8+ % alcohol content. One might add discovered to late to help what was to be a next day of significant discomfort for some.


What came first - the Green Jersey Committee or the Awarding of the Green Jersey for the Saturday Ride?

- Much the same as the 'Chicken or the Egg' argument in which it's perfectly clear that the egg came first, and clearly that egg was laid by some sort of animal that was not a chicken (exactly), and while that egg was baking for birth some quirk of nature occurred and instead of some sort of animal being born, a chicken was born! And in the case of the Green Jersey/Green Jersey Committee, the Green Jersey was born from the birth of the Green Jersey Committee which, through a quirk of nature and cold beer at the Bikery was born one Friday evening while building bikes and having, I swear, 2 beers. And the Green Jersey Committee, then, of course, with the support of others not on the Green Jersey Committee naturally hatched the idea of the Green Jersey!


Why?

- Because it may be fun. Adventure IS the spice of life. And we already sprint for stop aheads.


Who?

- The committee, with the over sight of other beer drinking bike building cyclists from 'The Bikery Chilkoot Velo Cycling Club' elected themselves (The Green Jersey Committee) by unanimous vote. Mr. John 'Sully'4 Sutcliffe received 2 votes from the committee members. And Ted 'Professor' Higman received 2 votes. Again, we fall back to the chicken or the egg argument. Please trust us that both Ted and John received all the votes necessary to write the bylaws of the Green Jersey Committee and the rules necessary to win the coveted Green Jersey.


Can I join the Green Jersey Committee?

- Why would you want this awful responsibly?


Please, just tell me, how would I, if I was dumb enough to want to be a part of the GJC (Green Jersey Committee, I've grown weary of typing it), become a part of this fine committee?

- Bribery. Bike parts work best. Coffee is good. Biker Buritoooo, Chocolate Chip cookies - typically any of the baked goods at the shop. Oh - or a beer at the shop or elsewhere (that just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?) But you get the idea. Bribery. 


Rules?

- Why of (reparto) corse.


Is the Green Jersey Committee and the Awarding of the Green Jersey endorsed by the Chilkoot Velo Cycling Club board of directors?

- Hmmm. Endorsed? Endorsed is a very strong word. Were some of them (board members) present at the Bike building Event in which beer was consumed when the Green Jersey Committee elected Sully and The Prof to it's leadership? Yes. Did they actually endorse this? We (The Committee) think it's best to not contemplate that.


Can I join the Green Jersey Committee? (yes, we knew you'd ask again.)

- Sure. But - membership is by invitation only. At this point not even the disemenators5

 have been invited. That said, discrete inquiries about membership will be considered, although, to paraphrase Groucho Marx: why would you want to join an organization which admits people like you?


The FAQ appears at times to contradict itself.

- Yes. As 'spirits' spirits are involved in the production of this event/constitution, would you expect otherwise? All questions can be directed to those chosen by the committee to be the disemmenators for the FAQ and the Rules.


What if I feel I can't win the Green Jersey?

- You should try to win the equally as coveted 'Tow Truck' Award.

- You should sign on to help pull someone else to victory and earn the more coveted than the Tow Truck Award but not as coveted as the Green Jersey Award PFPs (explained later, in the rules.)


'Tow Truck'?

- Yes. We think the name says it all.


All of what? Could you give an example of someone who may have won the Tow Truck award should this not quite as coveted as PFP's award had existed in the inaugural (2009, or was it 10?) year of the Bikery Cycling Club?

- Why yes, we can. Imagine a podium and 10 or 12 club members standing around with a beer in their hand. Sully and The Prof approach the microphone and a hush falls over the crowd. "Attention, could I have your attention please? It is with great honor that we (The dually elected Green Jersey Committee) do hear by award the 2009 Tow Truck Award to (an even quieter hush falls across the crowd) Rider X! We are pleased to award the Tow Truck award each year to the Chilkoot Velo Cycling Club Saturday rider who most often attempted to accelerate, with a full out effort, much to early for the most stop aheads. And as this individual accelerated the rest of the group would look around at one another, take a pull of their water bottle, maybe eat an energy bar, and then jump onto the wheel of the cyclist (Tow Truck) who started out 1000 to 2000 meters early for the not really all that close stop ahead and got dually destroyed in their (The Tow Truck Award Recipient) feeble attempt at victory while towing the rest of the group towards the competition for the Green Jersey points of said sign."

Does that help?


Yes. What are the rules?



Rules


1. Everything is at the sole discretion of the Green Jersey Committee, except any and all liability for any of this. Frankly - we'd like to win but not be held responsible.


2. The Green Jersey Committee will provide, before each ride, sometimes, but very rarely, should a route actually be chosen early enough that the Green Jersey Committee can email, tweet, the facebook, text, call, or somehow communicate with each other, a nearly full list of Stop Ahead and Town Line signs that will be awarded points. The winner of the sprint will be awarded more points than those that finish behind them. Typically, if you finish ahead of someone, you shall receive more points than the rider you've just crushed along with bragging rights that shall last until the next stop ahead or until told to 'Just shut up about it.'. Like wise - finishing behind someone, no matter if you chose to compete or not, you shall be awarded less points than them and may not remark on how you would've won if only x had/had not happened. You will receive NEGATIVE points should you comment on the prowess of a winner or loser and you were not on the ride in the sense of how you would've won if only x had/had not happened even though you were not there.


3. This is for fun. Always remember that. Fun.


4. You get to serious about this, you will be relegated**


5. Winners may award .5 (1 half) point to team mates who help pull them to victory. As a rider gains points for pulls (much coveted pfp's) they (he or she) can have a maximum of .99999 points per ride. so shoud they be awarded .5 of a point on a ride, they will score .5 point for the day. Should they be awarded 2 half-point awards, they will receive .75 pfp's for the day. Each additional award beyond the first full half point will be equal to exactly half of the previously awarded pfp. PFP's are designed specifically to reflect how much energy should be left in your body after a great pull. Please note: Pullers are not to be confused with Tow Truck Drivers. Pullers are like family. Tow Trucks are just a poor soul with geography issues. Anyone able to remember how many PFPs they received during a ride clearly did not ride hard enough and will be disqualified.


6. Yes - you read that right. A 'nearly' full list. A surprise sprint may be mixed into the ride just to keep it interesting. Should the 'surprise' sprint benefit a member of the committee, tough. Breakaways that do not contain Ted or John are not to be tolerated but are expected to happen none the less. Significant PFPs could be awarded for those willing to pull (not tow) Sully or The Prof back to the breakaway and then lining them up for the win.


7. Style points count. You may receive an unexpected point for an unclipped tip over, say if you were recently in Afton, fell over and managed to stay clipped into BOTH pedals you might just receive a point.


8. Attacking flats or crashes may result in substantial negative points. If you are in a breakaway and a flat occurs behind you, fine, keep going, but knowingly hitting a rid’a when he is down will result in swift punishment.


9. Points: 5 - 3 - 1 for all events. You are encouraged to sprint to any and all Stop Aheads. However, only Stop ahead designated as Green Jersey Stop Aheads by the channelers of the Green Jersey Committee will count for points. However, see point 7. A cleaver attack could garner you a Style point.


10. Keep track of your own damn points. We'll collect them post ride should we still be able to stand up.


11. Since we don't have a separate King of Mountains (KOM) classification, some intermediate sprints may be located at the top of climbs. We may be able to keep track of these points for a separate KOM award, but don't count on it because... well, honestly, we don't like climbers very much. Perhaps a rogue and unaffiliated with the Chilkoot Velo Cycling Club GJ committee will appear that will channel it's wishes through some group of random riders not named Ted (The Prof) Higmann or John (Sully/Otis) Sutcliffe who are not all responsible for any of this non-sense.


**Relegation (relegated) - at the sole (soul?) discretion of the Green Jersey Committee you will be relegated to plan the route, lead the ride, and pull back all dropped riders on the next Coffee Ride that immediately follows the Saturday ride for which you've just been relegated. The Coffee Ride is designed with FUN in mind and to teach you that this is supposed to be FUN. (But winning ain't bad either.)



1 Originally formed about 3 years ago come winter 2012- 2013. Rehashed now, 2012, August. 

2 Due to proclaimed (by the Chilkoot Velo Board) budgetary constraints: Purchased at Goodwill with the utmost of best intentions. 

3 Note that the name ‘Sully’ appeared post the original creation of this document. Sully = Sutcliffe = One Who Often Spouts Nonsense About Green Jersey Ownership and domination, at least in the opinion of others.

4 Hmmm, it now seems that since the name ‘Sully’ was found at this point in the document that the name ‘Sully’ was indeed in use before this document was created. This is interesting and means that if you read the above footnote that indicated otherwise, you wasted your time. 

5 As this was written many years and beers ago, not even the authors really remember what the hell ‘disemenators are. We think it is those who impart wisdom among the many (you). Or in some case impart crap like this to the many (you). 

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